我從Twilight電影裡學到的

先不要鄙視我看Twilight... 雖然我必須帶點羞愧地承認，吸血僵屍+校園愛情故事這種既幼稚又老土的橋段，居然有著不知甚麼魔力，一直吸引我追看下去。（魔力明明就是人狼的胸肌？）

沒想到的是，看Twilight也有發人深省的地方。在第三集的電影裡，有一幕是一眾主角（包括數百歲的僵屍）的高中畢業典禮，由女主角的好朋友Jessica負責代表致詞。她說的那一番話，甚有意思：



“When we were five, they asked us what we wanted to be when we grew up. Our answers were things like astronaut, president, or in my case… princess.

When we were ten, they asked again and we answered – rock star, cowboy, or in my case, gold medalist.

But now that we’ve grown up, they want a serious answer. Well, how about this: who the hell knows?!

This isn’t the time to make hard and fast decisions, it's time to make mistakes. Take the wrong train and get stuck somewhere chill. Fall in love – a lot. Major in philosophy ’cause there’s no way to make a career out of that. Change your mind. Then change it again, because nothing is permanent.

So make as many mistakes as you can. That way, someday, when they ask again what we want to be… we won’t have to guess. We’ll know.”

我身邊有些朋友，也包括我自己在內，常常抱怨「唔知自己想做ｄ乜」，或嗟歎自己「入錯行」。二十歲的時候這樣說，是情有可原；但三十歲的時候這樣說，卻是一種悲哀。悲哀的是，三十歲的時候，我們已經不能再任意而為了。我們不能再豁開一切，因為我們輸不起：目前這一份工／這一行，再不喜歡也做了這些年，現在放棄的話，機會成本豈不太高？加上到了這個階段，我們開始供樓，開始組織家庭，開始計劃下一代... 不不，這不是改變或冒險的時候。

可是，帶著「唔知自己想做ｄ乜」的想法終老，畢竟是有點悲涼的。

於是，Twilight裡的一番話，有如醍醐灌頂。是啊，也許我們不知道自己喜歡些甚麼，正是因為我們甚麼都沒有試過？從小到大，從來沒有人鼓勵我們去犯錯。錯誤是不被鼓勵的，更何況是關乎自己人生的錯誤。於是十多二十歲的我們，就在認知中所謂「對」的選擇中，作出影響我們一生的決定：你要做醫生，律師，還是會計師？銀行家是至高無上的出路。讀哲學？你想訓街呀你。

就這樣，我們一步一步地循著自己當年選的路走下去... 直到有一天，我們忽然問自己，這，真的是我想走的路嗎？也許是，也許不，但我們再沒有辦法去求證了。We'll always wonder, but we'll never know.

惟有趁年青，在輸得起、在還來得及的時候，放膽去試。撞板了？沒關係。起碼你試過，知道這條路行不通。年輕時錯的越多，長大後越能確定自己選的路。外國學校的畢業典禮，一般不稱graduation，而是叫作commencement，也是這個意思：畢業是一個開始，不是結束，而往後的漫漫長路，隨你探索。

Project 30 - Make Me Fit

昨天提及的「你說這叫長大」系列，是我的Turning-30 Project的其中之一。

另外一個，也在今天開始付諸行動的大計，是要三十歲的我，變得前所未有的fit。多做運動，多喝水，少食壞澱粉質(bad carbs)，少食垃圾食物。

我要比過往任何時候更健康，更纖瘦，更結實，更in a better shape。我要挑戰自己。

Project 30 - 你說這叫長大

看小昕最近的blog「女人最痛」，滿有感觸。

還有不到一個月便三十歲了。我決定，我要把過去這些年來，從種種錯誤、教訓、傷痛、和歷練中所學到的，一一總結出來，當作是三十歲的小態給「後生女」的忠告也好，當作是寫給日後的自己看的自娛之作也好，總之，這會是我三十歲的第一個project：寫下我這一路走來，一面抹淚一面找路，然後邊回頭邊跺脚（或邊回頭邊慶幸）後，所得到的一些感悟和繆思。（希望不要爛尾！）

這個系列，名為「你說這叫長大」。長大這回事，任你朝思夜盼也看不見痕跡，卻會在你最不以為意的時候，悄然而至，並在你經歷了某一件事以後，才驚覺，啊，它來過了，還在你身上留下了永不銷退的印記。

長大就是這麼的一個過程。你說這叫長大，我說多麼的費解⁺。

⁺這兩句來自王菲很多年前的一首歌「長大」，不知道還有沒有人記得

Slowly restoring the balance

Having moved 5 times in 4 different cities over the past 2.5 years, I would have thought that I should be an expert in moving by now. But to tell you the truth, it doesn't get any better. Every move comsumes a lot of time and energy, even when you've moving to a city that you can't be more familiar with.

Here are the things that in my opinion have to be checked before one can call oneself "settled". Until then, the balance is still lost somewhere out there.

1. having internet connection at home - checked
2. having all the clothes hung neatly in the closet - not yet, and I hate having to fish my stuff from the suitcase
3. having no cardboard box in sight (i.e. it can very much be left unpacked as long as it's not seen) - they haven't even arrived yet
4. knowing where the closest supermarket is and where to get different types of stuff - checked
5. knowing the fastest way to go to work - i guess i do but still need to experiment a bit
6. finding a nail salon close to the house, so that I can visit regularly - next thing on my list!
7. finding a gym / yoga studio close to the house, so that I can feel guilty about not going - the second next thing on my list
8. finding a trustworthy place to have a quick, quiet meal on my own whenever I need to - i may not need it this time since i'm now living at home?
9. being able to just hang out with friends in a casual, carefree way, without feeling like a major catch-up session where you're obliged to tell stories of what's happened to you in the past 6 months - i look forward to that!

As you can see, even though I'm, well, home home now, there're still quite a few boxes that I won't be able to check off anytime soon. But don't worry, I'm slowly working on it - starting by #6 on the list which I plan to do tomorrow...