Do you still make new year resolutions?
I do. Though I tend to keep them to myself because, let's face it, they're usually hard to keep.
In the spirit of honesty, however, I've decided to share them with you. Here were the resolutions that I made to myself in the beginning of Year 2010:-
1. Learn to depend less on others emotionally; Be a tougher person
2. To be physically fitter; Do yoga regularly
3. Figure out where I want to head to in terms of career
And now we're on the last day of 2010. Were my resolutions achieved? Some yes, some no, some hard to tell. I do believe I'm physically stronger (evidenced by the little muscles that started to appear on my arms recently), and I now have a fairly good routine in going to yoga classes (thanks, Master Kapil!). I've learnt to pay more attention to my body and health (i'm in fact in the clinic waiting for my very first gynae exam while writing this), and started to eat better.
On the other hand, have I become a stronger person emotionally? I don't know. Some friends thought I was "tough" as I've worked and lived in different cities on my own over the past few years. However, few realised that living independently did not equate to being tough. Yes, I can handle everyday routines on my own. I take care of myself. I survive in new cities. But at the end of the day, I need someone there - someone whom I can share my feelings with, someone whose shoulders I can lean on. As much as I am grateful for having this person in my life at the moment, I'm also a tad bit worried, because one day if this person decides to turn away from me, I will crumble.
At 30, I figure that it (really) is time for me to learn how to rely more on myself and less on others in order to feel strong and secure. Oh, and to try not to cry so easily. If only I knew how.
In terms of career, there have been both challenges and encouragements. I think I now stand in a place where I finally know - and am not afraid to admit - what I'm good at and what not so good at. The question remains how far I want to go, and the bigger question yet, how I should balance my personal life (settling down) vs continuing to advance in career (which would mean basically the opposite of settling down) going forward.
Sigh - as you see, I've gotten better and wiser in some areas, but was still struggling in many others. For the new year, I can only hope for the following:-
1. Continue to be stronger, both physically and mentally
2. Be more professional at work
3. Write more; And use my heart more while I write, my brain less
I wish all of you (thanks for still reading, by the way) a great new year ahead.
Photo: Victoria Harbour on December 30, 2010 - almost there, but not yet.
