On this day last year, SB proposed.
It's been a year since we got engaged. I will be honest and tell you that it was not all smooth sailing and there have definitely been ups and downs in the past 12 months. Of course, it was 99% happy and good, but there were also a few not-so-good moments that could not be overlooked. Long distance relationships are hard, and after more than two years of trying to make it work, I have a feeling that we've probably reached the limit. So - that's it - no more long distance after getting married. We'll stick together, in the same city, in good times and bad times.
I've also thought long and hard about the meaning of marriage. When I said in my last post that I worried a lot, it's not the wedding that I was worried about. (C'mon, I'm more mature than that I'd like to think!) Sometimes hollywood chick flicks and glossy bridal magazines lead us to think that wedding is the perfect ending and the only thing that matters, but as many will also agree with me, wedding is only the beginning: the beginning of a new family, a new chapter of life.
So at times, I find myself wondering about marriage and what it means, about the future and what that holds. Don't get me wrong, I love the man that I'm about to marry, there is no doubt about it. I know I want to share every day of the rest of my life with this person; I know I want to have a family and have kids with him; I know I want to be there for him no matter what the world has come to.
But the problem is, just like this year since we got engaged, it is not going to be all smooth sailing. There're gonna be bumps along the way. We will have fights. We will have bad times. I already know it and it makes me scared. I don't handle uncertainties very well, and that's probably one of my biggest shortcomings. Yes, we are in love with each other now, but what does how we feel at this moment even mean in the longer horizon of time? Will we feel this way 10, 20, 30 years later? Are we still going to be happy? Will we still love each other as much as we do now? And if not what's going to happen - Do you quit? Do you stay? Some people may disagree but I believe that once you're married, quitting isn't that simple anymore.
And then I thought better of it. Perhaps this is precisely what getting married is all about: that you're willing to commit to it and make it work, knowing already that it won't be all rosy and perfect. It's not an impulse decision. It's not about having the opportunity to have the dream wedding come true. And it's certainly not about having a legitimate reason to become a tai tai (heehee, although that is kinda sorta important too...) It's about taking the chance and being in it for the long haul.
And there, I know this much is true: I am willing to take this chance, and I am in it for the long haul. So yes, I'm certain that I want to marry you, my SB(J).
Happy engagement anniversary.
