Happy New Year!

Do you still make new year resolutions?

I do. Though I tend to keep them to myself because, let's face it, they're usually hard to keep.

In the spirit of honesty, however, I've decided to share them with you. Here were the resolutions that I made to myself in the beginning of Year 2010:-
1. Learn to depend less on others emotionally; Be a tougher person
2. To be physically fitter; Do yoga regularly
3. Figure out where I want to head to in terms of career

And now we're on the last day of 2010. Were my resolutions achieved? Some yes, some no, some hard to tell. I do believe I'm physically stronger (evidenced by the little muscles that started to appear on my arms recently), and I now have a fairly good routine in going to yoga classes (thanks, Master Kapil!). I've learnt to pay more attention to my body and health (i'm in fact in the clinic waiting for my very first gynae exam while writing this), and started to eat better.

On the other hand, have I become a stronger person emotionally? I don't know. Some friends thought I was "tough" as I've worked and lived in different cities on my own over the past few years. However, few realised that living independently did not equate to being tough. Yes, I can handle everyday routines on my own. I take care of myself. I survive in new cities. But at the end of the day, I need someone there - someone whom I can share my feelings with, someone whose shoulders I can lean on. As much as I am grateful for having this person in my life at the moment, I'm also a tad bit worried, because one day if this person decides to turn away from me, I will crumble.

At 30, I figure that it (really) is time for me to learn how to rely more on myself and less on others in order to feel strong and secure. Oh, and to try not to cry so easily. If only I knew how.

In terms of career, there have been both challenges and encouragements. I think I now stand in a place where I finally know - and am not afraid to admit - what I'm good at and what not so good at. The question remains how far I want to go, and the bigger question yet, how I should balance my personal life (settling down) vs continuing to advance in career (which would mean basically the opposite of settling down) going forward.

Sigh - as you see, I've gotten better and wiser in some areas, but was still struggling in many others. For the new year, I can only hope for the following:-
1. Continue to be stronger, both physically and mentally
2. Be more professional at work
3. Write more; And use my heart more while I write, my brain less

I wish all of you (thanks for still reading, by the way) a great new year ahead.

Photo: Victoria Harbour on December 30, 2010 - almost there, but not yet.

Tourbillon

A few days ago Master Kapil (my yoga teacher) told me a story. He was walking in Causeway Bay the other day, and one of those DVD shops was showing Eason Chan's concert on its screen. He stopped and watched. He didn't understand a word of the lyrics, and Eason's hair was a joke, but the devotion to the performance, the emotions poured into the song - Master Kapil said - was world class. He was mesmerized. (And then of course Master Kapil went on and said this was the level of devotion I should have towards yoga and everything I do. Yadda Yadda...)

Today I stumbled upon this video on a friend's FB page and thought, ah-ha, maybe this was the video that Master Kapil saw that day. Eason's voice was coarse, and his hair was indeed crazy, but he was so into the song that I, too, was touched beyond words, in fact even more so because I could understand what the song wanted to say.

This might just be my favorite blog in the whole world

Seriously. Look how adorable this is! My heart just melted into molecules.

Love your body

生平第一次，我的手臂上出現了老鼠仔(雖然是很小的兩隻)。

瑜珈讓我學會如何去欣賞和感受自己的身體。人體的構造本來就很奇妙：它有美麗的曲線，可以扭動，又能屈能伸；既柔軟，亦有力。

但不知何時開始，我們被灌輸了某種想法，總是認為自己的身型不夠完美，要盡量的隱藏起來。沒有Megan Fox的身型，就不配穿比堅尼；穿上了，也要遮遮掩掩，蓋住那不夠瘦的大腿，那不夠平的小腹。

瑜珈讓我重新對自己的身體感覺良好。我個子極小，大腿還是不夠瘦，肚腩怎麼減也減不了，但，正是我這不完美的身體所產生的力量，支撐著我完成各種瑜珈動作。即使簡單如downward dog，我的雙腿，臀部，腹部，手臂，也全都努力地在成全我的動作。

擁有健康，有力的身體，已經是值得感恩的事。

手臂上那小小的老鼠仔，彷彿是身體在向我傳遞的訊息。噢，我也愛你，親愛的。

Like waffles and chocolate sauce, or tofu and minced pork...

These are so cute! Perfectly fitting for what's been on my mind these days.

SB was so sweet and planned a really amazing trip to celebrate our 2-year anniversary. What was probably worth mentioning was that on one night of the trip, we had tasting menu in a restaurant in Banyan Tree, looking over the waters, while on the other night, we were munching burgers at McDonald's. But the point is, we were e.q.u.a.l.l.y h.a.p.p.y. Be it fancy or simple, we could always have a good time.

We're so good together, on so many levels. Thanks, SB. =)

我能想到最浪漫的事 ...

... 就是和你一起慢慢變老



睇一次，喊一次。

The Monsoon Ball a.k.a. How It All Began

Tonight is the INSEAD Monsoon Ball, which I am going to miss because I'm in Hong Kong.

Monsoon Ball is one of the annual traditions at INSEAD - it usually takes place in Singapore in November (the monsoon season), hence the name. (The Fontainebleau version, on the other hand, usually takes place in spring, in the classy Chateau de Fontainebleau where Napoleon once lived. Now that is truly a once-in-a-lifetime experience.)

At INSEAD, the Monsoon Ball is sorta kinda a big thing, though you can also argue that it's just one of the many nights where a bunch of 20's & 30's+ try to party and get drunk like teenagers. Only in a fancier place and in nicer clothes.

To me, however, the Monsoon Ball will always have a tender spot in my heart. It was where SB either (a) started to notice me for real, or (b) finally started making a move on me, after weeks of checking me out. I still don't know which one it was, but I know this much is true: the Monsoon Ball gave us the chance to really know each other, albeit in a somewhat funny and indirect way.

So when he was trying to chat me up that night (by bringing me round after round of desserts), I casually dished out an invite and said he should come along with me and my friends to our next trip. You know, we're in the middle of this conversation, and I was really just throwing it out there without meaning it, like I did with other people too. But this guy - he pulled out his smart phone immediately and started checking his calendar right away. Wow, he's serious, I thought.

And then after a series of fortunate (or unfortunate, depending on how you look at it) events, the trip with my other friends ended up being 48 hours with just the two of us on a remote island in the Philippines. I think he probably talked for 40 hours out of those 48 - this guy definitely could talk.

But it was a good thing, I guess, cos I wasn't bored for even one minute during the trip. And it gave the opportunity for me to know him, and for him to know me. In the business school environment where most people are really just interested in, shall i say, results, it's refreshing to find somebody who is actually interested in knowing who you are (instead of just "networking" and getting potential business contacts for the future, or just trying to get into your pants, you know).

And so it's how it all started.

And now, whenever I think about the Monsoon Ball, my heart softens and I feel nothing but amazement, at how things have worked out for us. What if he had decided not to go to the Monsoon Ball that night (he's not a big fan of that sort of thingy)? What if I hadn't mentioned the trip and dished out the offer? What if he was busy during the days where we're supposed to go on the trip? There were so many moving parts in the whole process - from us meeting at INSEAD to finally dating - what if one of them had been missing? Would we still end up being together one way or another, or will things be completely different now? (Hey, maybe I'll end up going out with a billionaire and am already a tai-tai!)

Is it destined or is it purely accidental?

Either way, I'm just as grateful.

Happy anniversary (in advance), honey.

Photo: Top - Monsoon Ball 2008, Bottom - Monsoon Ball 2009; Both pictures stolen off Facebook ;)

I miss Paris

- chilling at Le Georges on the rooftop of Pompidou

- (window) shopping at Bon Marché

- eating ice cream on Ile de la Cité

- lying on the grass in Jardin du Forum des Halles

- strolling and people watching in Marais

- buying baguettes and pastries from random boulangeries and patisseries

... I want to go to Paris RIGHT NOW.

Photo: Place des Vosges, in my favorite neighborhood - Le Marais

港女欠缺了什麼

我覺得，很多香港女生（也就是所謂的港女），一般都缺少了一種氣質：謙虛。這裡說的謙虛並不是指日常生活上的卑恭客套，而是對自己有多渺小和不足的一種認知。

香港是一個很小很小的都會，在香港長大和生活，能夠看到和所接觸到的東西，其實很有限。另一方面，香港卻是一個相對富裕的城市：對很多香港女生來說，吃日本菜法國菜意大利菜是家常便飯，出國旅遊也是等閒事。物質上的豐裕，容易使人產生一種錯覺，覺得自己已經懂得很多，甚至以為自己所知道的生活方式，便是世上唯一的道路真理生命。

這個世界本應很大，充滿著我們所知道的（佔小部份）和未知的東西（佔絕大部份）。我們香港人所熟悉的日常（如出外用膳時對著每一道菜拍照），在世界的其他地方可能會引來極其怪異的目光；而我們覺得奇怪的（如朋友見面不分男女老幼都抱抱親親），在別的地方極可能是理所當然。活在世上的其中一個樂趣，就是去認識和學習新的事物。港女的問題是，她們的整個世界彷彿只有她們所知道的部份那麼小，小得只會圍繞著王祖藍與李亞男拍拖或下次幾時再去日本這等事而轉動，而她們也樂得活在其中，自我感覺良好，還自以為見識廣闊自己有多會享受生活等。

Steve Jobs 說，做人要stay hungry，stay foolish。可惜很多香港人，都自滿於太smart，太full，smart得沒有必要去向其他人學習，也full得裝不下其他東西。

我懂的一點不多，but I know I know nothing。讀MBA的那一年，使我深深的體會到，這個世界，真的很大很大。看得越多，越知道自己懂得少。見過比自己聰明能幹一百倍的人，才了解自己的渺小和不足。

願我能一直hungry和foolish下去。

沒出息的打工仔心得

在職場上打滾修練了這些寒暑，其中一項領悟到的心得如下：

能為老闆解決煩惱的，就是好員工；
會為老闆製造問題的，就是壞員工。

所有老闆的愛將，都有一個共通點，就是得到老闆的信任；與能力、資質、幹勁等，皆沒有直接關係。所以，唔係話你叻，就要升你，因為你可能已在大大小小的事上，為老闆製造了各種各樣的問題，而你自己唔知。

===

今天，下屬因為年尾清假的問題，為我帶來了麻煩。此君平日做事相當可靠，但在我心中，也因為今天這件事而或多或少對他扣了分。

而為了這件事，我更煩到了老闆。不用說，老闆對我的印象也或多或少扣了分吧。

唉，心情不佳。

不如... 做一隻啤啤

不管外在環境如何

不管他人說些甚麼

我仍然是我　－　睡好多好多，笑好大好大

世界再醜再惡

我依舊溫柔地，善良地

坐在那裡，用微笑靜候你的擁抱

如果墓碑會說話

重陽節的那天，跟爸媽及親戚到公公婆婆的墳前掃墓。

一如以往，在山上等了好一會兒才齊人。然後大家一邊佈置著各種祭品，一邊有的沒的在閒話家常。我沒有太多話（反正大家都只會追問我何時結婚），只是默默地站在一旁，摺著紙錢，聆聽大家的對話。

有那麼一剎那，我忽然感觸起來。

公公在我出生後沒多久便過世了，因此幾乎自我有記憶以來，每逢清明、重陽，都要掃墓。小時候覺得摺元寶是很有趣的事。那時，親戚間的話題，是我們讀書的成績如何，學琴進度怎樣，考了幾級試，等等。

後來，婆婆和公公團聚了。話題，變成升中學後怎樣怎樣，會考怎樣怎樣。

再後來，掃完公公婆婆的墓後，我們還多了一站，是大姨和大姨丈的墓。

而現在，爸媽和親戚的對話，大多圍繞著大家每況愈下的健康狀況。癌症，保健，身體檢查，是出現得最多的字眼。

是啊，轉眼間，數十年過去了（我都三十歲啦）。那時還是壯年的爸爸媽媽，今天已進入老年。墓碑上公公婆婆的微笑依舊，我們的肉體卻日漸老去、衰敗。已逝者得以不朽，活在世上的，卻阻不了春去秋來，停不了時鐘每分每刻的跳動。

我雙目漸漸濕潤，卻忽爾聽得媽媽跟舅父提起三個寶貝孫兒們，一剎間她的臉上彷彿若有光。也許就是這樣吧？我想。上一代老了，便由下一代來傳承他們的薪火。生有時，死也有時；生命的來去，歲月的流逝，自有它的軌跡。

What a month

It has been a month of whirlwind traveling - the past four weeks have found me in Hong Kong, Beijing, Singapore, and Tokyo. When I was not commuting to and from airports, I have been busy celebrating my birthday, showing visitors around, attending weddings, going to yoga classes, spending quality time with family and the boyfriend, and exploring different cities.

Oh, and trying to get my act together at work.

Work has been a topic I try to avoid thinking about lately. Two months in my new role and I still haven't gotten a hang of it. Which is a little unnerving, to put it mildly. In fact I think I might even be having some kind of confidence crisis, only that I have been too distracted by all the traveling and other plans to even feel or think about it. But now that we're almost one-third into October, and that my travel schedule has quieted down considerably, I guess it's about time for me to focus on work again, and to regain the balance that I've lost since a few months ago.

But before that, let me share some highlights from the past four weeks:


Beijing
This was my 5th visit to Beijing. The first time I set foot in Beijing was 1997, when I was on some offical school tour to celebrate the first National Day of the "motherland" after the handover of HK. And the last time I was there was two years ago, when I was lucky enough to have a few tickets to the Olympics Games. While Beijing is way too vast for me to claim to know after just a few trips, it's definitely not a new city to me, which is why I don't have the urge to go to any of the touristic places anymore. So, my trip this time was filled with chilling, strolling, eating ducks, catching up with old friend, and meeting new friends. Oh, and I even made it to a Vogue fashion event one night (which was in fact disappointingly lame, but still worth a mention just for the word "Vogue").


Birthday
It's my 3-0 birthday!!!! For a while I had been debating whether I should just spend the day quietly or go all the way and have a big party. I ended up doing something in the middle, and it was a lovely, lovely birthday. The special day started with a morning yoga session with Master Kapil (to celebrate a new me who is totally zen, ha-ha), followed by yummy dim sum with family. SB flew over from Singapore to spend the day with me! We spent the afternoon with my family and the little ones, before we had to get ready for dinner (I took some nice shots of SB playing aeroplanes with Austin, btw). Dinner was at Cafe Gray, inside the posh Upper House in Admiralty. My friends Lindsey and Marc were visiting from Seoul that weekend, so they joined SB and I for dinner. Cafe Gray has a spectacular view, and even though the food didn't quite meet our expectations (and the price tags), it was the company that I enjoyed the most.

The night was topped up by drinks at the Pawn with my friends. To be honest, before that night, I was really worried that no one would show up - after all, I've been away from HK for so long and knowing that I'm not very good at staying in touch, I was afraid that no one would care about my birthday. Plus, I know that most of my friends, who're now married and all settled, do not really go out that often anymore. In fact, I had discussed with SB so many times about the possibility of no one coming, and we even had some contingency plan ready (which may or may not involve ordering a bottle of Dom Perignon :p). So I was really, really glad that night when I saw the familiar faces of many of my old friends - it meant a lot that they were there, the group of people that I grew up with, the friends who know me through all these years and speak my language and have seen me in big big glasses and mushroom hairstyle. It really meant a lot to me.

The night didn't end with me being "hammered" (I got so drunk on my 28th birthday that apparently the only thing I could say then was 'I'm so hammered'), but it ended with me feeling loved. I was so lucky to be surrounded by people who loved and cared about me, on the day I turned 30. Like I said, it's a lovely, lovely day.


Tokyo
I was a bit reluctant to take a week off when I was still relatively new in my role, but this was a special trip that I just had to make. My very good friend Josephine is getting married! What's more, she and her fiance Martin are having their destination wedding at Karuizawa, a place that brings back lots of fond memories of Josephine and me. Josephine is my Japan travel buddy - we've made so many fun trips together, with uncountable crazy adventures (e.g. getting a ride from a strange Japanese man in the middle of the night at a deserted train station, anyone?). I'm so happy that she and Martin are finally getting married, and that they have chosen such a beautiful place to do it!

SB and I were very excited about going to Tokyo together - we've been talking about it since the early days when we were dating, and he knows how much I love shopping in Japan. Although there is nothing like traveling in Japan with Josephine, SB and I still had a great trip. I have toned down the shopping by quite a bit - not just because SB was there (oops), but also because of the stronger than ever Japanese yen. So instead of hitting the shops, we just strolled around different parts of the city, and I had the pleasure to get out of the usual places and explore new parts of the town. We even had some really novel experience, like trying chicken sashimi (which is very courageous of us, but that thing is surprisingly tasty)!

After spending 3 days in Tokyo, we went to Karuizawa for the wedding. Karuizawa is serene and beautiful, especially during this time of the year, when the leaves just start turning yellow and red. A perfect place to say 'I do'! The night before the wedding, Josephine and I went to the hotspring together, just like old times. Before this trip, we have been to Karuizawa together twice - the first time when I was having real turmoils both in the work and relationship departments, and the second time before I was about to embark on my MBA journey in France. We've seen each other in all the ups and downs in the past eight years, and now, we're back in Karuizawa together for the third time, for her special day. As I saw her walk down the aisle in the gorgeous gown, I couldn't help but wonder: will we ever travel together again, just the two of us? You know, a 100% girl's trip, shopping 'til we drop, enjoying each other's naked company in hotsprings, heading for crazy adventures at peach farms and train stations and shady hotels... just like old times.

I hope we will.

And until that happens, I'll savor those great stories that we have had together, like I'm doing now.

With a thankful heart

這個video在facebook廣泛流傳，相信很多人都看過了。大家都對乖巧可愛的雪兒讚不絕口，但我卻更敬佩莫爸爸。雪兒知足、樂天的態度，肯定是受到爸爸潛移默化的影響。如果不是家裡有一個充滿愛的環境，一個小朋友怎麼會這麼快樂？儘管物質生活貧乏，心靈卻是富足的。

做人甚麼最重要？莫爸爸提醒我們，家庭最重要。

過去三十年來，我得到最多的，是家人給我的源源不絕的愛。

而這個生日，最令我開心的，是我所愛的人全都在身邊。

懷著感恩的心情，迎接明天的到來。

我以後再也不隨便買衫

我以後再也不隨便買衫我以後再也不隨便買衫我以後再也不隨便買衫我以後再也不隨便買衫我以後再也不隨便買衫我以後再也不隨便買衫我以後再也不隨便買衫我以後再也不隨便買衫我以後再也不隨便買衫我以後再也不隨便買衫我以後再也不隨便買衫我以後再也不隨便買衫我以後再也不隨便買衫我以後再也不隨便買衫我以後再也不隨便買衫我以後再也不隨便買衫我以後再也不隨便買衫我以後再也不隨便買衫我以後再也不...

從星加坡運回來的東西終於送到了，看見一屋子的衫呀裙呀褸呀鞋呀，我決定以後再也不隨便買衫！

手

去修甲的時候，美甲師姐姐問我，你每次都塗這種淡淡的粉紅色，不覺得悶嗎？

我說，不會啊（其實我很怕畫了各種顏色和花樣的指甲）。我想要的，正是這種乾淨、秀氣的感覺，使我的手即使是在鍵盤上打字的時候，也顯得特別專業，特別漂亮，讓我自我感覺良好。

女人有時真係好鬼無聊。

September 1

So here I am, 9am in the office, blogging discreetly from my workstation. No, don't tell my boss, or HR, please.

I got up at 6 this morning, and went to a private yoga class at 7. "You are so delicate, Natalie," Kapil, my yoga instructor, said, "we really need to work hard to get your muscles stronger." After a short pause, he added, "but the good thing is that I can tell you're very motivated."

Yes, I AM motivated. And I feel good. On my way to class this morning, I saw scenes that I hadn't seen for a while: students in uniform waiting for school buses, seniors practicing Taichi in the park... The air was fresh, and there was no noise of traffic on the streets. It's gonna be a great start of a day, I told myself. And it was. At 7am I was already doing stretches and bends. I could feel my muscle working, my breath deepening, my energy flowing. I looked into the mirror, and saw a petite lady, working out, sweating - with a little blush on her cheeks, looking healthy and looking great (especially in my new lulu tank and pants, may I add). Yes, I am motivated, and I feel good.

It's September 1. As the calendar turns a new page, and school year starts again, I also feel like something is changing and growing inside me (I know, the yogi master in me is just dying to get out). I know September is going to be a special month - it is, after all, where it all began 30 years ago. And I really am going to make an effort to become a better me, starting today.

我從Twilight電影裡學到的

先不要鄙視我看Twilight... 雖然我必須帶點羞愧地承認，吸血僵屍+校園愛情故事這種既幼稚又老土的橋段，居然有著不知甚麼魔力，一直吸引我追看下去。（魔力明明就是人狼的胸肌？）

沒想到的是，看Twilight也有發人深省的地方。在第三集的電影裡，有一幕是一眾主角（包括數百歲的僵屍）的高中畢業典禮，由女主角的好朋友Jessica負責代表致詞。她說的那一番話，甚有意思：



“When we were five, they asked us what we wanted to be when we grew up. Our answers were things like astronaut, president, or in my case… princess.

When we were ten, they asked again and we answered – rock star, cowboy, or in my case, gold medalist.

But now that we’ve grown up, they want a serious answer. Well, how about this: who the hell knows?!

This isn’t the time to make hard and fast decisions, it's time to make mistakes. Take the wrong train and get stuck somewhere chill. Fall in love – a lot. Major in philosophy ’cause there’s no way to make a career out of that. Change your mind. Then change it again, because nothing is permanent.

So make as many mistakes as you can. That way, someday, when they ask again what we want to be… we won’t have to guess. We’ll know.”

我身邊有些朋友，也包括我自己在內，常常抱怨「唔知自己想做ｄ乜」，或嗟歎自己「入錯行」。二十歲的時候這樣說，是情有可原；但三十歲的時候這樣說，卻是一種悲哀。悲哀的是，三十歲的時候，我們已經不能再任意而為了。我們不能再豁開一切，因為我們輸不起：目前這一份工／這一行，再不喜歡也做了這些年，現在放棄的話，機會成本豈不太高？加上到了這個階段，我們開始供樓，開始組織家庭，開始計劃下一代... 不不，這不是改變或冒險的時候。

可是，帶著「唔知自己想做ｄ乜」的想法終老，畢竟是有點悲涼的。

於是，Twilight裡的一番話，有如醍醐灌頂。是啊，也許我們不知道自己喜歡些甚麼，正是因為我們甚麼都沒有試過？從小到大，從來沒有人鼓勵我們去犯錯。錯誤是不被鼓勵的，更何況是關乎自己人生的錯誤。於是十多二十歲的我們，就在認知中所謂「對」的選擇中，作出影響我們一生的決定：你要做醫生，律師，還是會計師？銀行家是至高無上的出路。讀哲學？你想訓街呀你。

就這樣，我們一步一步地循著自己當年選的路走下去... 直到有一天，我們忽然問自己，這，真的是我想走的路嗎？也許是，也許不，但我們再沒有辦法去求證了。We'll always wonder, but we'll never know.

惟有趁年青，在輸得起、在還來得及的時候，放膽去試。撞板了？沒關係。起碼你試過，知道這條路行不通。年輕時錯的越多，長大後越能確定自己選的路。外國學校的畢業典禮，一般不稱graduation，而是叫作commencement，也是這個意思：畢業是一個開始，不是結束，而往後的漫漫長路，隨你探索。

Project 30 - Make Me Fit

昨天提及的「你說這叫長大」系列，是我的Turning-30 Project的其中之一。

另外一個，也在今天開始付諸行動的大計，是要三十歲的我，變得前所未有的fit。多做運動，多喝水，少食壞澱粉質(bad carbs)，少食垃圾食物。

我要比過往任何時候更健康，更纖瘦，更結實，更in a better shape。我要挑戰自己。

Project 30 - 你說這叫長大

看小昕最近的blog「女人最痛」，滿有感觸。

還有不到一個月便三十歲了。我決定，我要把過去這些年來，從種種錯誤、教訓、傷痛、和歷練中所學到的，一一總結出來，當作是三十歲的小態給「後生女」的忠告也好，當作是寫給日後的自己看的自娛之作也好，總之，這會是我三十歲的第一個project：寫下我這一路走來，一面抹淚一面找路，然後邊回頭邊跺脚（或邊回頭邊慶幸）後，所得到的一些感悟和繆思。（希望不要爛尾！）

這個系列，名為「你說這叫長大」。長大這回事，任你朝思夜盼也看不見痕跡，卻會在你最不以為意的時候，悄然而至，並在你經歷了某一件事以後，才驚覺，啊，它來過了，還在你身上留下了永不銷退的印記。

長大就是這麼的一個過程。你說這叫長大，我說多麼的費解⁺。

⁺這兩句來自王菲很多年前的一首歌「長大」，不知道還有沒有人記得

Slowly restoring the balance

Having moved 5 times in 4 different cities over the past 2.5 years, I would have thought that I should be an expert in moving by now. But to tell you the truth, it doesn't get any better. Every move comsumes a lot of time and energy, even when you've moving to a city that you can't be more familiar with.

Here are the things that in my opinion have to be checked before one can call oneself "settled". Until then, the balance is still lost somewhere out there.

1. having internet connection at home - checked
2. having all the clothes hung neatly in the closet - not yet, and I hate having to fish my stuff from the suitcase
3. having no cardboard box in sight (i.e. it can very much be left unpacked as long as it's not seen) - they haven't even arrived yet
4. knowing where the closest supermarket is and where to get different types of stuff - checked
5. knowing the fastest way to go to work - i guess i do but still need to experiment a bit
6. finding a nail salon close to the house, so that I can visit regularly - next thing on my list!
7. finding a gym / yoga studio close to the house, so that I can feel guilty about not going - the second next thing on my list
8. finding a trustworthy place to have a quick, quiet meal on my own whenever I need to - i may not need it this time since i'm now living at home?
9. being able to just hang out with friends in a casual, carefree way, without feeling like a major catch-up session where you're obliged to tell stories of what's happened to you in the past 6 months - i look forward to that!

As you can see, even though I'm, well, home home now, there're still quite a few boxes that I won't be able to check off anytime soon. But don't worry, I'm slowly working on it - starting by #6 on the list which I plan to do tomorrow...

Moving from one home to another

I know, I know, I've been MIA for awhile... but things have been a little hectic over the last few weeks, as I was busy wrapping everything up in Taiwan, saying goodbyes (more on that later), and preparing for yet another move to another city.

Though it isn't exactly fair for me to put it that way... I mean, this "another city" is my home, the very city where I was born, raised, and educated in. I should have sounded more excited about moving back, shouldn't I? After all, it is where my family and my closest friends are!

But why is it that when I think about the move, all I ever feel is the uncertainty that's nagging me? It's not that I'm not happy to be able to spend more time with my family and friends finally - I surely am! I just long for having a place where I can truly call "home". And it doesn't help that I'm actually writing this blog from my another home, i.e. Singapore. Where, exactly, is my "home" and where on earth will I end up in?

It just gets blurred beyond a certain point, I guess. The sense of where you belong.

Sigh. We'll see.

Of all things domestic, I...

enjoy:
- mopping the floor
- tossing away things
- organizing things and putting them into little boxes (everything needs a box)
- trying new recipes (when I'm in the mood)

don't mind:
- washing dishes
- vacuuming
- hand washing fancy clothes
- cleaning the bathroom

dread:
- sorting laundry

super hate:
- ironing
- washing and cutting up vegetables

Feeling domestic today...

Some serious house cleaning is in order!!!

豆腐 and minced 豬肉

儘管我口裡總是嚷著做太太是我的終生夢想...
儘管我在逛街食tea和整指甲方面前途無限...
我卻偏偏缺乏一項成為太太的基本條件：煮得一手好菜。也不是說我滴手不沾陽春水，只是我每次煮菜前，總會暗暗緊張，鑊拿在手裡也是雞手鴨腳，加幾多鹽都要騰雞一番，可見我實在不是入廚房的料。每次看人氣blogger大少奶的食譜，只能望塵莫及慨嘆一句，怎麼人家就天生一副太太的架勢？

幸運的是，SB倒是一個蠻會下廚的人。在星加坡的時候，他常常會煮飯給我吃，我只需pat在沙發上等食。他煮的東西中西式都有，不花巧，不講究，大多時候簡簡單單就是一餐。他最拿手也最常煮的小菜，是豆腐+豬肉+草菇，再打個獻：味道很家常，卻是我的最愛。我常取笑他，「Honey我地今晚係咪又食豆腐 and minced 豬肉呀？」（留意這個不知所謂的菜名，是我和他日常溝通中很典型的中溝英方法 :p）而且我每次看到這道菜也會大聲歡呼：「Yay 豆腐 and minced 豬肉!!! You're the best!」，兼送上擁抱一大個。

SB不喜歡我常常笑他的minced豬肉，卻不知道，這一道菜，除了真的幾好味以外，還會讓我想起媽媽的味道。媽媽在家也會煮豆腐和免治豬肉，淋上少許獻，上面再灑點白芝麻，味道和SB煮的很有點相似。這不是我最喜歡的媽媽的菜（腐竹炆排骨才是我的至愛），但那味道，卻熟悉得我隨時閉上眼睛也可以回憶起來。

我何其幸運，總有愛我的人願意為我煮食，甚至當我pat在沙發、翹埋雙手專等開飯的時候，還會用寵愛的語氣說：「好快就食得架喇。」

這刻的我，多麼想食豆腐 and minced 豬肉啊。

Oh! Spa

在峇里島五天，大部份時間都是困在酒店裡開會（問：反正都是困在沒有窗戶的房間內，為什麼要去峇里島？）。幸好有一天下午，剛好偷得半日閒，便溜了去做spa。

女生（應說港女？）喜歡做spa的原因很簡單：那全身被呵護的感覺，除了讓人油然產生一種被寵愛的幸福感外，還會有一股「看我多會享受，我也可以做王迪詩」的潛意識自豪感覺 。

女人都是虛榮的。

我也是。我總愛選那些兩三小時的spa package（請不要問我花了多少錢），也不諱言這樣令我自我感覺良好覺得我很愛自己也很懂得享受生活云云... 但我真正嚮往的，是磨砂後的嫩滑肌膚，和浸浴時的放空一切。

這次的spa很值得記下來，因為是我第一次在戶外浸浴。是的，這裡每人都有完全獨立的spa villa，可以赤身走出室外，踏進滿是泡泡的浴池裡。接著治療師會灑下浴鹽，再倒一些牛奶在池裡，讓牛奶慢慢在水中暈開來，然後奉上一壺肉桂茶，輕聲請我好好放鬆。我呷一口茶，望著藍藍的天空，在溫暖的陽光下，享受全身被水洗禮的觸覺。

我所有的生理和心理需要都在那一刻被滿足了。

做完spa，在villa的發呆亭躺下。摸摸自己滑溜溜的腳，啊，好快樂。

圖：攝於Grand Hyatt Bali Kriya Spa

Starting the 2nd half of 2010 with a glass of Bellini...

I'm generally not a very chatty or outgoing person, but sometimes - well, usually after a drink or two - I can become really bubbly (maybe even borderline flirty... *ahem*).

Last night was one of those nights. After a few cocktails and a bottle of Moet & Chandon Brut Rose (it was a going away for a friend), I was a happy girl, chatting, laughing, enjoying myself. Before we called it a night, I ordered a glass of Bellini, and sat back on the couch. For a moment I thought I was back at INSEAD, because everything looked so rosy and I was having such a good time. It really doesn't get any better than this, I thought, as I savored the feel-good moment that the bubbles and the fizz brought.

Life has been gracious to me.

The first six months of year 2010 were not without frustration, tears, and setback. One of my resolutions at the beginning of this year was to become tougher and emotionally stronger. While I can't really say that I have shown much improvement (yet) in this area, many lessons were learnt and as I look back I can safely say that I have grown as a result of them. And despite all the down moments, I'm still thankful every day for what they have been. Looking ahead, the coming months promise more changes (moving back to HK, turning 30, yadda yadda), but I'm sure I will be fine, especially with what I have: a great family, a great boyfriend, great friends, and occasionally maybe even a glass of Bellini that can put me in good mood instantly.

So here's a toast to you, my friends, as we officially enter the second half of the year. Half gone, half to come - Let's hope it's all for the better.

好心情

冷氣沒事了。電腦修好了。幫姪兒們訂購的DVD送到了。

今早的brand plan presentation大家一致讚好。下午把香港office的offer letter簽好寄回。明天一早飛往峇里島開會。

晚上，吃一碗醋拌麵線，再剝開一顆又大又甜的台南愛文芒果。坐在電腦前和SB聊天，說些無聊而綿綿的情話，然後興致勃勃地計劃著八月搬回香港的事宜。

我很小心地珍惜著這樣的一分一秒，因為我總是怕，這樣的幸福不知何時會消失不見。

THX or WTF

台灣人說話很直接，有時候真的令人啼笑皆非，不知應說「謝謝」還是「搞x錯」。

《事例一》

地點：公司培訓課程上
人物：女同事，二十來歲，剛認識約三十分鐘

事發時女同事剛好坐在我隔壁。
女同事：（打量了我好一會後）你有整過容嗎？
　我　：（嚇一大跳）甚麼？？？？
女同事：（一副好整以暇的樣子）你的雙眼皮是不是割的？
　我　：（不能相信自己的耳朵）下？？不是呀，是真的。
女同事：真的嗎？可是你的雙眼皮為什麼這麼深？
　我　：下... （不懂回答）（我怎會知道為什麼呢？）沒有吧...
女同事：真的不是割的？（一副不相信的模樣）我下個星期要去整呢...
　我　：...

《事例二》

地點：辦公室茶水間裡
人物：男同事，四十來歲

事發時我和男同事剛好在茶水間碰到，於是閒聊了幾句。
男同事：你知道嗎，你的樣子很像Hello Kitty。
　我　：下？？？（一時不能反應這是甚麼意思）
男同事：Hello Kitty呀！很像。
　我　：...


《事例三》

地點：朋友的派對上
人物：某男生，約二十多三十歲

事發時男的正向我搭訕，在大談他自以為有趣的經歷。
　男　：我覺得Natalie這名字不適合你。
　我　：啊？是嗎？為什麼？
　男　：我覺得Natalie比較像高高的女生。
　我　：真的嗎？
　男　：你應該叫短一點的名字，例如Amy，很可愛。
　我　：...

真是搞x錯。

哭了

小時候，每當我被埋沒在人群裡，不夠高看清楚前面的時候，爸爸便會把我舉起來，讓我騎在他的肩膊上。

那一雙臂，總是竭盡所能滿足我的一切要求，從來沒有讓我失望過。今天我能夠面對這個世界，走遍半個地球，也全因那一雙手的扶育、帶領。

謝謝爸爸。

You raise me up, so I can stand on mountains;
You raise me up, to walk on stormy seas;
I am strong, when I am on your shoulders;
You raise me up: to more than I can be.

Because it's the little things, baby

After the A/C incident and whole self-doubting crisis that ensued, I decided to treat myself with a heavenly tarte au citron.

Mmmmm.

Now life starts to make sense again.

When everything starts falling apart...

A few days ago my laptop decided that it would not turn itself on anymore. No matter what I do, it's just giving me this blank, hollow screen on which there is nothing but the reflection of my sad, little face.

After much struggling and lots of frustration, I finally dragged myself to call the dreaded Dell customer service today, only to find out that the earliest they can come to fix my computer will be on Friday, when I won't be in town. And of course they don't work on weekends, so it just means that I have to wait until next week.

Great.

And then, just a few hours after the call, as if the air conditioner at home has decided to show my laptop some brotherly support, it started spitting water in a totally unexpected and unstoppable fashion! And you see, the A/C is sitting right above my bed, so it was basically pouring water all over my pillows and my sheet. (!!!)

Now this is just perfect.

What have I recently done in my life to deserve this mess? Did I accidentally kill some animal without knowing or something? As I began to frantically gather paper towels to soak the water on my bed, I felt like I was on the verge of a breakdown. I wanted to scream, or cry, or both.

And it's not just about the laptop or the A/C. In fact, it's so much more than the laptop and the A/C. It's my life. It's what I'm doing with my life, as in "why am I living in this pathetic city wiping my bed and feeling lonely instead of being somewhere with friends and family and people that I love".

Dude. Duuuuude. I'm so ready to leave this place, and go home.

Big girls don't cry, I know. Not even when you're in a domestic crisis like this.

Now I just have to be strong and call the landlord.

Happiness is ...

when you can cuddle with someone you love on the couch and finish a whole season of 24 within 3 days. With pringles, pizza, magnum, 明治朱古力果汁橡皮糖, fresh fruits, and lots of love in the air.

Thanks honey.

Stretch

完成了。

91個樓層，2046階梯級，居然給我這樣爬上去了。

當中的辛苦，沒試過大概很難了解... 事實上我走到十樓時，已經氣喘得要命，雙腳有如千斤重般，手靠著欄杆支撐著，每一步，都是意志力與體力的拔河。還有大拿拿八十層，怎麼可能走得完？！「放棄吧」的念頭不只一次在心裡閃過... 真的，只差那麼一點點，我大概便放棄了。

後來，是怎麼撐過去的呢？是要挑戰自己極限，是不願服輸，是要讓自己朋友家人驕傲... 大概都有一點。總之，我就是這樣，一步，一步，完成了九十一層樓。事後回想也覺得不可思議... 我到底是怎麼爬上去的啊？我也記不起大部份時間我腦袋裡都在想甚麼（大概是一片空白），只知道盯著每一樓層的數字，聽著自己的呼吸氣喘聲，緩緩地舉步向前行。

35... 53... 70... 83... 沒想到走著走著，便到了。出口的那一線光，讓我知道，我比我想像中堅強。

要放棄多麼容易，但要堅持下去，卻也沒有想像中的困難。通常我們都能比想像中多撐一點點。我大概要多謝熱瑜珈的心理訓練，讓我學會去挑戰自以為的極限，讓我願意挑戰自己，達成看似不可能的目標。

完成後，和同事去吃麥當勞，嘩，那薯條，從來沒有這般好味過。

Girlie wisdom

I'm all about going to the tailor these days, to the extent that it may have become some kind of obsession... I mean, I'm tempted to get even my white tank top altered!

I know, it's a little much, but do you know what a difference it makes, when you wear things that fit perfectly to your figure and just snug to your body? I have this little black dress from Marc by Marc Jacobs (there was a certain period of time when I was crazy about MBMJ and the shop assistant actually knew me by name and would pull out 20 dresses for me to try on every time I visited. But no more - it's been a very long time since my last visit / purchase!), and I wasn't going to alter it in the beginning, as it was already fitting quite well. But one day I was wearing it when I went to the tailor to pick up something, and the tailor said, bring this dress back next time and I'll alter it for you! I willingly obeyed, and... voilà! I didn't know what magic she did over the bustline and the waistline of the dress, but the dress just suddenly became 10 times more flattering than it already was. (Seriously, I get compliments almost every time I wear that dress!)

And then I have this floral dress which I bought years ago. It was a by-product of some impulse shopping, so yeah, it's way too big and for years it's been sitting there quietly in the closet. But the fabric is actually really nice and summery and there's a little something that I've always liked about this dress. So I decided to take it to the tailor last week, and she helped me transform it into a super cute short skirt that fits oh-so-perfectly! The skirt was really inexpensive to start with, and even with the money that I spent on alteration, it's still totally worth it.

Now, if you'd allow me, I would like to say this again: It makes a huge difference when your clothes fit well.

And this has also led me to discover some true, albeit random, words of wisdom. Which I'm going to share with you.

Are you ready?

Here it is.

It doesn't matter how expensive it is or how impressive it seems. The most important thing is that it fits you.

And it's true on so many levels.

Till death do us part

If there is one thing that I'm really, really good at, it's that I empathize with people easily (sometimes maybe a little too easily - that's why I cry so easily at random movies and stupid chick flicks!) I think empathy comes somewhat naturally to me because I constantly ask myself this question: "What would I think / feel / do if it were ME?"

This morning, as I was doing my usual "getting-ready" routine at work (i.e. soy latte + croissant + gmail + facebook), I stumbled upon a note written by a friend on FB. His friend's fiancé has passed away after a year-long battle with leukemia. The couple found out about the disease just after they had decided to get married one year ago. The wedding didn't happen as planned, but the two shared a brave, loving, and touching journey before parting was forced upon them.

I don't know the couple at all, but you can imagine my reaction as I read the note, as "What would I think / feel / do if it were me?" echoed in my mind: I had to fight against every urge to cry like a mofo in front of my work laptop (and hence look like a crazy woman to all the co-workers sitting around me).

So there I was, sitting at my desk, my mind a state of blankness except for the unnerving thought of "what if the same happened to me?". I love myself, my current life, and I am surrounded by people who love me and whom I love -- but all these can be taken away, any minute, without prior warning. To think about death, its unavoidable eventuality, and the fact that it may be lurking anywhere, anytime, both scares and humbles me. It's at moments like this that I remember why clichés are clichés and cheesy lines are cheesy -- it's precisely because they're true: Tell those you love you love them, cherish what you have, carpe diem... so cliché, so cheesy, yet so true.

That's why I wanted to leave this note (in English no less) -- because today is one of those days, when I am reminded of what is the most important to me, and feel utterly grateful. I hope I will never lose sight of that.

回家

晚上，乘坐國泰最後一班從台北往香港的飛機回港。

其實本來打算這個週末不回來的了。連續數個星期飛下來，一想起從台北市到桃園機場那段漫長的路便有種胃口頓失的感覺。可是轉念一想，爸爸媽媽應該很希望我回來吧，於是又提起行李，起程往機場去。

抵達香港已差不多十一時。當我拖著行李，準備像平日一樣急急腳走去搭機鐵然後飛的回家的時候，一個念頭忽然在心中略過：其實我也沒有很趕時間啊。

於是我心血來潮，決定坐機場巴士回家。

已想不起多久沒坐過機場巴士了。忘了原來等車要等很久... 媽媽打電話來，知道我這麼晚還等了二十分鐘巴士，說我「蠢蠢地」，叫我快回頭坐機鐵去。

可是我今天真的想坐巴士啊。

車終於來了，我放好行李，坐在窗口旁的位置。不久便有一位師奶走過來，很有禮貌地問我可不可以坐我隔壁。當然可以呀，我說。

車開了沒多久，隔壁的師奶拿起電話，打給她的朋友。沒想到剛才客客氣氣的師奶原來中氣十足！她很大聲的對著我的耳朵電話呼喊：「喂！點呀？係呀，番來喇... 響巴士呀呀呀（回音！）！！點呀，果隻衰野，有冇搞錯，仲跌緊？（這時我忽然醒悟她指的果隻衰野是一隻股票）冇啦... 梗係唔放啦... 好啦，遲ｄ先再同你講啦，唔，係咁先！」

師奶講完電話沒多久，另一邊廂坐在巴士另一邊的一位伯伯，忽然又從坐位站起來，好大聲地對車尾的方向大喊：「Shirley，你陣間記得睇住有冇人拎錯我地ｄ行李呀！知唔知呀？Shirley！」

我一邊聽著車廂內此起彼落的呼喊聲，一邊看著窗外的夜景，嘴角不禁泛起一絲微笑。不不不，我不是在嘲笑師奶和伯伯和Shirley，而是，從赤臘角到家的這一程路上，我從來沒有像這一刻般有過如此強烈的「回家」的感覺。那大聲而親切的嗓門，襯上車窗外的萬家燈火，彷彿像是一種肯定，讓我確確實實地知道，這是我的家，我回家了。

車程沒有想像中的久，巴士很快便駛上東區走廊，轉個眼便到了太古城。我站起來，擠過師奶的身旁，拿行李準備下車（Shirley在車尾金精火眼盯著！）。車子快要到站了，沒料到的是，我一抬眼看向窗外，竟然看見媽媽的身影站在巴士站前，舉著頭東張西望著。

我雙眼不爭氣的濕潤了。（心想，我幾歲了啊，還要接放學？）

巴士在站前停定，開門。我提著行李匆匆下車，走到媽媽跟前，說了聲：「媽。」

嗯，是的，我回家了。

鞋

噢，為什麼買到一雙漂亮的涼鞋便可以使我這麼快樂？

試穿了不同的衣服裙子來配搭新鞋，還在鏡子前不知醜地扭來扭去... 像這種時候，我會覺得自己真是一個快樂而幸運並且無聊的人。

出走

明天會一個人出走，到日本九州渡一個週末。

沒有伴，也沒有行程。

只是想去走走，看一些不一樣的景色，享受一下隨心所欲的感覺，和想一些事情。

就這樣而已。

（同事說，你坐高鐵到台中不也是一樣嗎？不用買那麼貴的機票吧。）
（咦？又係喎。）
（不過去日本不用講中文和聽台語啊）
（還是不一樣的）

留下來，好嗎？

第二次了，這個位於香港東北海面900公里的小島，已是第二次向我招手，呼喚我留下來。

第一次來這裡工作，是四年以前的事了。那是我第一次離家。那時初嚐獨居的滋味，一切都是這麼新奇，就連出門忘記買廁紙也可以是生活裡的一大頓悟。那時也真心覺得台灣一切都很美好，愛閱讀的文化、單純而友善的人、美味的珍珠奶茶... 都是簡單而美好的時光。

那年，台灣叫我留下來。我說，我要回去了，這不是我的家。

後來，我卻沒有回家。我去了很多不同地方，然後又輾轉回到這個小島。這次已不再有新鮮的感覺，甚至覺得，有些東西，還是活在回憶裡比較好。四年了，這小島面貌不變，對我熱情如昔，總讓我覺得感動又難過。

然後一眨眼又是另一個半年，又到了快要分離的時候了。這時它又說，你留下來再待個兩三年吧，我會給你最好的。我心動了，可是轉念又想，我真的想再在這裡待下去嗎？我不是已經打定主意要回家的嗎？

忽然覺得，有時候，生命不過是一個循環。我以為我改變了、進步了，我以為我比以往更清楚自己想要的是甚麼，其實不然。我又回到原點了。

唉。

（是的，我又有second thoughts了，你話死唔死...）

我心目中最浪漫的告白

來自廿年前的電影When Harry Met Sally：



到我嫁得出結婚的那一天，我不需要那些做牛做馬洗碗洗衫比晒ｄ錢我的愛的宣言，也不需要那些扮到鬼五馬六食wasabi飲豉油的開門遊戲，我只想聽到我的他，向我說出這樣的一段真心的告白 。

The road not taken

你說，做人是有選擇好，還是沒有選擇好？

無疑，有選擇是幸運的。不管是選擇的自由、還是選擇的機會本身，其實都是一種奢侈。關於這一點，我是知道的。但是，選擇，也代表了取捨，代表你會得到一些，同時會失去一些。這正是一切不滿足的根源：人家的草看來總是綠一點，別處的月亮也總像特別的圓... what if... what if? 有些人一世被這心魔纏繞，永遠不能好好地向前望。

有時我想，人要是沒有選擇的話，或許反而會更加心安理得吧。

（人真是犯賤的動物。）

是說，最近又到了工作上要做抉擇的時候。本來和公司談好了，打算七月結束台灣的assignment後，先回香港，擔任另一個崗位，然後明年中再到德國總部受訓。下了決定後本是一身輕（可以說是一種破釜沉舟的解脫），誰料昨天又得悉了一些其他意見其他機會，令我不禁又開始有second thoughts。What if...?

說穿了，其實這和選擇無關；這，和心態有關。

人生分岔路不段，誰又知道那一條路比較好？再者，「好」的定義是甚麼？所以，我還是打算維持原本的決定，少去考慮成功(success)，多點考慮滿足(fulfillment)，選一條我覺得會比較開心的路來走下去。

至於那一條我沒有選擇的路，也許風光明媚，也許顛簸不斷，但，那是另一個人生、另一個故事了。

勇

有時候，我會忽然有一種衝動，想要挑戰自己，去做一些從來沒有做過（甚至從來沒想過要做）的事。

這種時候，我通常不會想太多，往往心口掛個勇字的就決定去馬了（幸好這情況不是常常發生）。

像今天，我忽然決定要參加台北101的登高賽，為的就是這個「挑戰自己」的想法。91層樓，2046級，聽起來像不可能，但沒試過又怎知道我做不到呢？

所以才要挑戰呀。

"Powerpoint makes us stupid."

今天下午參加了一個電話會議，內容是公司全球的business update & outlook。聽起來是像是甚麼了不起的議題，其實說穿了，就是一群身在幾萭里外的人，對著一個八爪魚電話，向一群素未謀面的聽眾，講解一張又一張的powerpoint slide。

我們這一邊廂，大家各自開著手提電腦做自己的事，偌大的會議室裡，只有八爪魚電話裡的聲音和鍵盤的滴滴答答聲空洞地交替迴響著。

我一面有的沒的在看那些slides、聽那些update，一面想起最近New York Times對美國國防部的powerpoint的報導 (詳文見此) 。裡面有一句我實在說到我心坎裡去：「(Powerpoint) is dangerous because it can create the illusion of understanding and the illusion of control.」真的。所有的事情，只要放上powerpoint，用bullet points、block arrows和text boxes歸納一下，彷彿都會變得無比清楚。更可怕的是，不管做的人還是看的人，看過那些slides後，都會有一種自以為已經完全明白及掌握眼前問題的錯覺。

Hello?

正如電話會議裡的那位仁兄，在侃侃而談emerging markets的發展策略。策略被歸納為五個重點。我忽然很想unmute電話來問他，你真的懂嗎？你知道各emerging market（範圍涵蓋大陸／印度／東南亞／南美／東歐）的真正狀況有多複雜嗎？五個bullet points，幾個block arrows，再加一些text boxes？

但，he got away with it. 他做完present完那些slides，任務完成。他的老闆看了有關的slide deck（通常都一百幾十頁），也很安心：我們在emerging markets是有一套完善的策略的，不是嗎？你看那一百幾十頁的powerpoint！

咦？那誰來make things happen呢？

呢個世界唔係咁架。

諷刺的是，其實我每天都要做（和看）很多很多powerpoint（而且我做的slides都是公認的漂亮、專業）。正正因為這樣，我才會有這樣深刻的體會。多少次，我把一些似懂非懂的東西放在slides裡頭，以專業、漂亮、有系統的方式呈現，似懂非懂的東西馬上變得言之有物？（以前在顧問公司做的時候還會不要臉向客戶收取高昂的費用。）

唉，呢個世界真係唔應該係咁架。

圖: 被廣泛流傳的一張美國國防部內部powerpoint，阿富汗形勢at-one-glance，voila

寫作的感覺

寫作這回事，不比游泳和騎腳踏車，傳說中一旦學會了就再不可能忘掉（會說「傳說中」是因為我不會踩單車，游水也不會換氣... 是的，我好渣）。中學年代的我，不管中英文，隨時洋洋灑灑一兩千字，文思泉湧。後來和小昕寫交換日記，也是風雨不改，甚麼也可以寫一頓。

慢慢地，旁鶩太多，時間太少... 日漸疏懶的結果是：我忽然發現自己不懂寫作了。有時想半天都想不出題材，到好不容易有些感興，卻又不知怎地總是寫不出那份感覺，左改右改還是不到位、不到肉。

難道我的寫作生涯還未開始就已結束？

那我的夢想呢？我那出書的夢想呢？

於是，我決定，我要重新坐下來，開始寫。
為了不讓我的文思遺失。
也為了不讓我的夢想擱淺。

給我一段仁愛路

我喜歡在大樹下散步。不是因為怕曬，而是，我喜歡在一片綠色中走著的感覺。陽光穿過樹葉灑在身上，既溫暖，又溫柔。

台北於我的意義，早已超越了誠品、夜市、和九份。我家在國父紀念館的附近，天氣好的時候，我都會到仁愛路那一帶散步。仁愛路非常非常寬闊，兩旁種滿了高高的樟樹和椰子樹，走在其中，有一種奇異的、讓人心神澄靜的力量。

散完步，走到附近的店買一個新鮮出爐的麵包，熱辣辣的捧在手裡，那是我一天裡最滿足的一刻。=)

圖: 國父紀念館仁愛路正門外的一段行人路和腳踏車道，今早穿花花裙子去散步時拍的

Florals? For Spring? Groundbreaking.

要重新培養寫作的習慣，最容易是從身邊的微小小事寫起。

最近愛上了碎花連身裙，雖然春天穿碎花實在是新意欠奉，但如果簡單如一條裙子就可以讓我心情明媚，我還可以要求甚麼呢？

做人每日營營役役，為的也不過是想快樂啊。

圖: See by Chloe S/S 2010 Collection

其實我是真的喜歡寫

從2002年開始經營「交換日記」到現在，已是差不多十年的光景。

有時心血來潮會重看自己的舊日記。那時候的天未必總是無雲無際的蔚藍，日子也不全是無憂無慮的快活... 但這些年一路走來，嚐過的和看過的，何只當年十倍。回頭再看當年的快樂、傷痛、歡笑和眼淚，難免會有種恍如隔世的感嘆。

只是不得不感激當年的自己，對一點一滴都有這麼真摰深刻的紀錄。那時也許很天真很傻，但對寫作的執著和熱情，卻是真的。到了現在，我再重看那些文字，還是會有一股感動湧上心頭。那年的那個我啊...

轉眼已是這許多年。我總是忘了，時鐘滴答滴答的走著，在光陰的逐秒推移中，並沒有遺漏了誰。今天的我，還能寫嗎？

或許可以試試看。